Sometimes (yes, even in just 3 weeks...what can I say?), I get really angry with the kids and even stressed out by their lack of concern, hope, care, appreciation, and respect. Somedays (out of the past meager 3 weeks), I think that I'm not helping this community or these kids any. Somedays, I feel helpless and pointless when it comes to them. I even get frustrated because I think that I'm not making a difference at all.
But in the past two days, I've realized that "making a difference" doesn't happen over night. And yes, frustration, anger, and stress is to be expected. But God always finds a way to turn all of those negative feelings around and give us hope. Sometimes, He does so in the form of an event. Today, mine came in the form of one middle-school girl.
In CHAT tutoring, there are these things called "Bones," which are basically awarded to kids who have proved to be worthy academically and attitude-wise. The reward is a trip out to dinner or ice cream. It's simply a way to reward kids who work hard with some quality time and free food.
Well, yesterday one middle-school girl who I've met and tutored over the past weeks approached me and showed me her report card. Four A's and three B's. The way her face light up when she showed me her grades and the huge proud smile on her face put a smile on mine. After tutoring, she told me how much she was hoping to receive CHAT "Bones" because, in her words, she "deserved it." And in actuality, she did. This young girl is an amazing reader and writer and one of the smartest girls I've met here at CHAT. She's also one of the sweetest and caring girls I've met. So, being in her sweet nature, when she didn't win, she hugged me and said, "I'm disappointed, but there's always tomorrow." Her persistence amazed me, so I made sure that I put a good word in for her :)
Today at tutoring, I grew a bit sad because I didn't see her there at the start, and I feared that she had decided not to come because of her disappointment. But then I felt her small arms around my waist and I heard her voice say, "You're going to be my tutor today." Persistent she is, because I was! For thirty minutes, I listened to her re-read a Harry Potter book and write more than what was expected of her to. I almost felt as though she was my tutor because she kept filling me in on what had happened in the book previously and insisting that she read out loud so as to not be "selfish" with the book. I watched her laugh to herself at the funny parts of the book and her eyes light up as she did so. And when she didn't want to read anymore (because she had already read the book once before after all), she said that she had to keep reading so that she would "deserve" CHAT Bones and not "cheat" to get them. I was amazed. I sat and admired such persistence, kindness, gentleness, love, humility, and honesty that came out of the small body frame that sat in front of me. In thirty minutes, this girl had blessed me in an enormous way.
So as we headed downstairs to announce CHAT Bones, I slipped Murray a point and thumbs up towards her and watched her hope for the award. When Murray announced her name, her whole face lite up like a little angel. She turned and hugged me so hard and thanked me for being the tutor who helped her get CHAT Bones. As I explained to her that I had done nothing and that she had done all of the work, she just kept hugging me and said, "I just can't stop hugging you. Thank you." I almost cried. In that moment, my faith and hope in the kids and God were renewed.
Last week, during devotion, Murray read to us Matthew 18. The fourth verse reads: "Therefore, whoever humbles himself like this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven." I think God placed this little middle-school girl in my life today to illustrate the true meaning of His Word. He used her to show me that even though things may not seem to be going according to my plan, it's not about me. It's about these kids, and more importantly, it's about God. Even if the work that I'm doing doesn't have an immediate impact, I now know that as long as I stay faithful and grateful to Him, He will use me as He sees fit. But today, He used a child to minister to me. And she didn't even know it. Today, God used a little girl to teach me the true meaning of humility and faith. I never would've thought that a 13 year-old could school me so much in 1 hour! Just as I was beginning to become too frustrated with the lack of gratitude amongst some of the kids (as you can tell by my last blog that I posted just yesterday), God uses one little girl to put my frustration at ease! Doesn't God work in mysterious ways?!?!
Thank you God.
